'ships!

Ah, friendships. Some of the best relationships we will have in our lives. I think about my own friendships a lot - "what do they mean to me?" "What would I like in friendships?" "Wow, I have some special friends." This year has put a toll on my relationships in general, whether that be platonic, romantic, or familial. Apparently, 2020 wanted me to re-evaluate literally every 'ship in my life - THXXX for that, 2020, it's been very fun (says sarcastically). 

I've been finally watching all of Sex & the City (and trust me, I know how problematic it is), but I love the premise of the show: best friends fucking around in the city. It constantly reminds me of all the laughs I have had with friends and how important they are to me. It's wild that many people forget about their friends when they enter relationships, but I understand that sometimes, we are taught our romantic relationships should take precedence over any other relationship. I have always thought that was a load of bullshit and luckily in high school (where I started to think about 'ships), I had friends who thought the same thing. 

Alas, romantic relationships do change the way you navigate your other 'ships, it's just the reality of it. We are now spending way more time with this significant other while also juggling every thing else going on in our lives. I'll be honest, I have had a rough time accepting that in the past because friendships have always been a priority for me, but sometimes that's not the case for others and that's okay! I think the effort and care I receive when I do see/talk with friends is way more important than the actual amount of time I get to see them.

Recently, my therapist told me to write down what my ideal romantic relationship would have and as I was writing, I realized that those same traits are ones I want with my platonic relationships: love, communication, support, encouragement, allowing emotions to come out any time, etc. These are traits I want in, like, ANY relationship. They are things that make 'ships thrive and develop a deeper understanding of each other, which I'm sure is what many of us want. To have someone (or more) there for us when we need to talk, when we want company, when we want some love!

I saw this post by For Harriet recently asking, "Besides sex, what's the difference between a friendship and romantic relationship?" Reading the comment section was so interesting - the bottom line is that it's different for everyone! People have sex with their friends, but have no romantic attraction to them (and vice versa). People depend on their partners and friends equally (who you calling at 3am when you're crying?). People can be more intimate with their friends more than their partner (meaning of intimate is different for every individual). The reason I bring this is up is because relationships and their meaning do not have to abide to the standard, colonial reglas (rules). Just like sexuality, you get to define what these 'ships mean to you and how you and the other person(s) want to navigate them.

I want to deeply expand my relationships, new and old. I want to build my own rules and regulations (lol) for my relationships with the other person(s) because then we will be building something on our terms, what we want, what we need. And I think everyone should be allowed to do that and should be taught that. I genuinely believe that is how we will build stronger bonds, create the community we need, and have the support we want. It's beautiful, but also difficult because personally, I wasn't taught how to cultivate relationships this way. I was taught in a very binary way that friendships mean this and romance means that. I was also not taught how to communicate in a healthy way and I think communication is the gold mine for thriving relationships (still learning this haha). So now, I gotta do that solo (meaning find my own resources and figuring it out)!

Well..that'll be it! Let me know what you think! How are your 'ships different? Also, if you'd like any resources on this, let me know! I'm sure I could find a ton in my little archive :) Thanks for reading!