TW: mentions of pornography, small mentions of pedophilia and sexual abuse
I recently came across a Tiktok about porn. The person was very straight forward in saying porn was "destructive" and hurtful to folks who watch it. I think they even used the word "disgusting" and many of the people in the comments agreed. I felt the urge to comment and explain what I am going to talk about here.
Porn (pornography), or sexually explicit media, is usually defined as "printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings." At least that is what Google says. I don't quite agree with the ending because porn can be aesthetically pleasing and can bring up feelings, depending where a person is at in their sexual lives. That's the basic definition, though. When I talk about porn here, it will include videos of sex, magazines, online sites with porn, sex workers, and more. Now that we have that out of the way, let's continue..
Porn and sex workers have been around for centuries, it's actually one of the longest known professions EVER. That means this kind of work will be most likely around forever. The website I linked even says it has been around since 2400 B.C. and it's still taboo?! Wild. Mostly everyone will watch porn, buy porn, or use porn to arouse themselves at least once in their lives, that is widely known, I mean ask your peers. This person on the Tiktok made it seem like porn should be banned and be seen as detrimental to ones' health, which is a very extreme opinion that I don't quite agree with.
I do see why they would think that though because porn is mostly seen as taboo and something we should steer away from. "Sex addiction" is talked about (even though I've seen sex educators dive deeper into why they don't think it's quite real and there's more to it), learning about sex from porn is harmful, and sex workers are not treated properly usually in mainstream porn. Those, and maybe more, are the reasons I can think of why porn could be harmful to folks.
Although, porn can also be a place where queer folks can see themselves sexually. In movies, books, or just on the Internet, there's not much queer representation when it comes to sex. We see straight, cis sex in movies and shows all the time, but not much with queer, trans, or non-binary folks. Even within those straight, cis sex scenes, most of them are white people in them, which mean people of color may only see sexual representation in porn. This is important for these groups because without it, they may never fully see others like them being sexual and enjoying pleasure. All people deserve representation in every part of their lives and because mainstream sexual media is very white and heteronormative, pornography can be a relief and a place where others see themselves.
Ethical porn can also be endearing, fun, and a different place to view pleasure. And ethical porn is real!! There are sites (like Bellesa, crashpadseries, OnlyFans, etc.) that treat sex workers ethically, pay them the amount they deserve, create a safer space, has queer and people of color representation, more realistic, includes consent, etc..I also have a whole list of ethical porn sites that I'll list below, the ones I listed are just the ones I've actually seen/used. Porn is completely okay to use as long as we know where it's coming from, we're making sure we're paying the sex workers, and that they are being treated fairly.
When it comes to sex addiction, there's a lot of discourse that happens. The sex educator in me says there is more to it than being "addicted" to sex. In this article, a research psychologist makes the important note that "addiction" usually comes from an addictive substance so saying sex addiction doesn't add up because people aren't taking an added substance. People who say they are sex addicts may be using drugs, but that's different from a person who isn't taking drugs and calling themselves a sex addict. So, researchers and psychologists are questioning whether using the phrase "sex addiction" is correct or not. Using that term also can make people who are very sexually active seem like they have a problem. This article also stated something important, "There is also a risk that the label sex addiction might pathologize normal sexual desire and behavior, making healthy people appear to have an illness that does not exist." Having a lot of sex doesn't mean a person is a "sex addict," it just means they like having sex. Who are we to say certain sexual acts, the amount of sex we have, how we have sex is right or not? Everyone is different and everyone deserves to find out what they like and what they don't.
When it comes to teens watching porn, it's not that them doing that is wrong, but if that's the only place they are learning sex from, then it can be harmful. Teens deserve a proper sex positive education where they can learn about sexuality, consent, birth control, pleasure, safety, and more. If teens had this type of sex education, then (ethical) porn wouldn't be as bad as everyone makes it out to be. It can be another way for them to explore their sexuality!
I read articles that also say that some people group pedophiles, rapists, and those who cheat together with sex addiction, which is just plain wrong. All of those are different and cannot be grouped together. It can make it seem as if a person who has a lot of sex is in the same group as a pedophile...like no. So, the term sex addiction can make this very wrong and bold statement.
My last point is whether watching porn with our partner(s) or our partner(s) watching porn on their own is bad or harmful. I don't think so, but this also depends on our relationships and communication. Some of the comments I saw on the Tiktok said they had broken up with partners because their partner was watching porn on their own. This is so interesting because we all know humans are sexual beings, I mean we have body parts that are solely there for pleasure. So, if someone wants to masturbate or is feeling sexual, and their partner isn't there..it only makes sense that they watch porn. I'm not saying when people masturbate they always watch it, of course people use their brains to make up fantasies, picture their partner, etc. but some people need a little boost! That's completely okay! I think it's worth to talk to our partners whether they are okay with that and have a conversation about it, but porn is also another way to fantasize and maybe see something a bit different.
The discussion over pornography is so interesting to me and involves so many points. At the end of the day, in my opinion, watching porn, making porn, reading porn is normal and can be a different way to find pleasure. It is also not as simple as saying I agree or disagree with it, just like everything else. There is more I can talk about, but this is what came to mind. I haven't done as much research as I want to on pornography so this may be ongoing, but let me know what you think! Thanks for reading :-)
List of ethical porn (non-exhaustive)
Recently was shown this "Porn Literacy" curriculum that educators can take to learn how to talk about pornography. Pretty interesting, but the site is a bit outdated so not sure if it is recent.
Article: Sex Work is a Disability Issue
Information on FOSTA/SESTA that was signed by Trump in 2018 in order to stop sex trafficking. Instead it has made it harder for sex workers to promote their work online and also just continued to criminalize sex work:
https://www.vice.com/en/article/qvxeyq/trump-signed-fosta-sesta-into-law-sex-work
https://whyy.org/segments/fosta-sesta-was-supposed-to-thwart-sex-trafficking-instead-its-sparked-a-movement/
There's so much more to learn, but that's the bit of resources I have saved! Share any more if you have some!
This was so insightful Josselyn, thank u for sharing! I really want to start seeking out more ethical porn options as it's an industry where a lack of ethical practice can easily push it into the wrong category of entertainment, so I think it's important to do research/find places where you can! <3
ReplyDeleteThanks Zoe!! Yess, I don't think people put as much thought into their porn usage/where they get it. It's important to do so they are supporting sex workers, not corps/capitalist scum!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts :)
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